Author Topic: Interesting blog post from an Aussie  (Read 507 times)

Offline Stephanie

  • CFPN Founder
  • *Women*
  • *
  • Posts: 3929
  • Gender: Female
  • ~Stephanie~
    • stephanie.k.berman
    • My Chart
Interesting blog post from an Aussie
« on: December 05, 2009, 10:39:30 PM »
This was shared with me by the original writer, a friend of mine from TMB.

Quote
I recently read an article about how to tell someone struggling to fall pregnant that you're pregnant. It was exceptionally funny, yet heartbreakingly honest at the same time.

Due to issues of copyright, worries about language and not being ENTIRELY relevant to me, I'm not going to post that article. However it did make me think about my own feelings, and how I'd want someone to treat me, after announcing their pregnancy. And it also made me think of how some of my friends struggling with LONG TERM trying to conceive and/or utilising Artificial Reproductive Techonologies feel about certain comments, suggestions and reactions.

* Please don't downplay your pregnancy. I AM happy for you. In some cases, absolutely thrilled. Please be genuine and be happy and not think you have to be solemn about it, in front of me.

* Please be sensitive. You may see a flicker of pain go across my face - don't feel guilty. Just know that I am wishing for the billionth time that it was me, and that it does hurt sometimes, knowing that someone else has got what I want more than anything.

* Please give me some space for a bit. Yes, I probably will go home and cry for a bit. Yes, it might take a little bit for me to be happy for you. Trust me - I feel as bad about my reaction as you probably feel about the fact I'm not pregnant yet.

* Sometimes, telling me 'how' things happened, really hurts. I don't need to hear that you weren't trying, or that it happened when you were on birth control, or that it was your second/third cycle. I know second or third cycle may have felt like ages for you - but I'd give anything to have fallen that quickly.

* Please don't send on platitudes like 'it'll be your turn next' or 'you've got plenty of time'. Whilst it makes sense to try and reassure someone that they haven't run out of time - it's not always the case. Some of us struggle with real issues like needing IVF, or going through early menopause - and those wellwishes often end up being anything but. Just quietly - some days I might want to smack you into next week with a comment like that. I won't do it - but I will think it at least once.

* Please be gentle with your advice. Some of us HAVE tried to relax, try every second day, measure our temps and cervical mucous and cervical position and have thousands of Ovulation Prediction Tests at our disposal. We know about having men wear boxers, and lying down for 30 minutes afterwards, and trying not to think about it. We know all about the diet recommendations, and have avoided alcohol/caffeine/sugar/brie/deli meats/salad bars. Some of us have tried both Western and Eastern medicine to help. We've heard all the stories of people who went to a fertility specialist and were all ready pregnant at that point. We know all about the woman who was on the adoption list, and then miraculously fell pregnant.

* Thoughts like 'it's in the universe's hands' or 'God is in control', whilst often exceptionally true, don't often act like a salve to our battered hearts and emotions. Many of us have lain prone on the floor for hours, crying out to God to ask Him what He wants from us. A lot of us have our faith and hold onto it daily - but we still hurt. We still cry. We still think it unfair. We still ask God why the child abuser could fall pregnant, and we can't. Why we are going through this. Most of us still don't have an answer.

* Please don't think I've lost my faith or don't believe God can do miracles. We haven't, and we do. We just know that everytime we see a negative test result, or get another month of bleeding, or have to fork out another four figured sum to try another implantation - it hurts.


This piece isn't to make anyone feel guilty, or to let me get away with a pity party. It's just I know a lot of women on both sides of the fence (facing difficult reproduction issues/not knowing what to say to someone who has those issues), and thought this post might help both sides.

Sending lots of hugs to all my beautiful girlfriends on both sides of the issue. God bless you all, and I pray for a miracle to all my LTTTCers, ARTers and everyone who is faced with the struggle of infertility, miscarriage and bodies which just don't act like they are supposed to.

(((hug)))




Offline gracekissed

  • *Women*
  • *
  • Posts: 1701
  • Gender: Female
  • The surprisingly crunchy one
    • My Chart
Re: Interesting blog post from an Aussie
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2009, 03:48:45 PM »
The RESOLVE organization focuses on infertility support, and this page has several articles that are helpful for family and friends to reference.

 This article, in particular is a good read.
Kristina & Sam
IF w/ PCOS, Adeno/endometreosis
Hannah- 12/17/2011

My blog

Offline carina

  • *Women*
  • *
  • Posts: 2207
  • The awkward one
    • My Chart
Re: Interesting blog post from an Aussie
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2009, 09:21:22 PM »
Thanks for posting this! And I'll check out those links.
Married to my best friend since September 20th 2008   
Cosette (2009)
Arthur (2011)
Georgiana (2013)

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice." Philippians

NFPworks

  • Guest
Re: Interesting blog post from an Aussie
« Reply #3 on: December 23, 2009, 10:59:07 AM »
Thank you for all these postings/ links! I'll link to them on my blog. I have a Natural Family Planning blog, and I touch on Infertility as a topic (especially as NFP can be used to treat infertility) fairly often.

Latest post on Infertility: I just watched the movie UP, which prompted this post:http://www.nfpworksblog.com/2009/12/23/up-the-gift-of-infertility/

I discuss infertilty/ TTA ethic a little bit here, although I could definitely expand the subject.

Offline gracekissed

  • *Women*
  • *
  • Posts: 1701
  • Gender: Female
  • The surprisingly crunchy one
    • My Chart
Re: Interesting blog post from an Aussie
« Reply #4 on: December 23, 2009, 01:25:36 PM »
NFPWorks- Thanks for getting the word out about IF and NFP both- so many people need to be aware of reality outside of their own sphere of experience. Your blog post was encouraging, and I cried through that whole movie, but hope I get it for Christmas too!

I would be very careful, however, in saying that NFP "treats" infertility.  Charting your cycle can help identify IF, highlight possible causes, and show success in IF treatment. But marking your cycle on a piece of paper and having sex at the right times is not a treatment for infertility. If a couple gets pregnant after figuring out when to time intercourse, then they weren't infertile. Even doctors who approach infertility from an NFP stance, such as NaPro technology doctors, end up intervening in other ways than simply teaching couples about how their bodies work and advising timed intercourse.

If you practice NFP, and then charting helps to identify a problem, that's great. But whatever you do to fix the problem is the "treatment," not the NFP itself. That may sound picky, but often, as you know, the terminology we use is very important in how people view us. If we say that the sympto-thermal method of timing intercourse "treats" fertility, we end up sounding stupid, because just collecting data can't overcome internal barriers to fertility that have nothing to do with how and when we have sex. What we can say is that NFP helps us and our doctors to work with our bodies and approach fertility from a more natural, healthy, and morally sound approach than many other 'modern' assisted reproduction technologies. Then we sound educated instead (which we are), when we mean the same thing either way.

NFPworks

  • Guest
Re: Interesting blog post from an Aussie
« Reply #5 on: December 28, 2009, 12:34:16 PM »
That's a good point. As I was quickly writing my reply, I hesitated to write "treat", so thank you for the articulation. NFP itself does not "treat" IF, but rather with medical interpretation and intervention (sometimes very basic, sometimes more involved) helps to identify, diagnose and treat the underlying causes of IF.

While there's no silver bullet for IF, I wish more people knew about NFP/ charting and the amazing successes people find with it, w/o having to resort to IVF.

I'm glad you liked the blog entry. The day after I wrote that entry, I was watching Conan, and he and Elijah Wood had a five minute conversation about UP, and how it affected them, and how they found it powerful for those same reasons! (Btw, did you get it for Christmas?)

Offline gracekissed

  • *Women*
  • *
  • Posts: 1701
  • Gender: Female
  • The surprisingly crunchy one
    • My Chart
Re: Interesting blog post from an Aussie
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2010, 04:03:20 PM »
No, but Sam and I went and bought it with the gift cards we got for Christmas! :) And we watched it again last week- definitely, rising up my list of 'favorites.'

NFPworks

  • Guest
Re: Interesting blog post from an Aussie
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2010, 05:31:12 PM »
Up won at the Golden Globes, btw! Also, I watched Julie & Julia, and Julia Child evidently struggled with infertility...beautiful movie.

 

Powered by EzPortal