My Journey with Infertility

Hi.  My name is Stephanie, and I deal with infertility.

Some days that’s how I feel like I should introduce myself to people.  We’ve been TTC for almost three years now.  As a result, infertility has irrevocably colored the way I look at the world.  But, I’m getting ahead of myself.

How did we get here?

Our journey began in July 2008.  We’d been married almost a year, and we decided that we were going to stop preventing pregnancy.  I had always had irregular cycles, but I’d been charting for a little over a year already, so I knew that I was ovulating almost every cycle.  We tried on our own (and unsuccessfully) to get pregnant until May of ’10.  I had an appointment with my family doctor in December of ’08, and he looked at my charts then and thought he saw some issues (so did I!), but figured we could try on our own for awhile longer before going to a specialist.

In May ’10, I had another appointment with our family doctor.  Then, he took one look at my charts, and how long we had been TTC and sent us to an OBGYN.  Dr. T ordered a semen analysis for DH, and more blood tests for me.  The semen analysis came back with a high white blood cell count, so DH got to do a lovely round of doxycycline.  We have not done the repeat semen analysis yet.  As for my blood work, it came back classic polycystic ovarian syndrome, which I had suspected it would

We haven’t been back to Dr. T since my diagnosis, but I did have an appointment with a naturopath a week and a half ago, and she started me on some supplements to see if we could try to lower my testosterone, balance my hormones, and regulate my cycle.  I don’t think I’ll see a perfect 28 day cycle, but I’m hopeful that the supplements will help even out my hormones and perhaps move ovulation up a few days.

So that’s been our journey so far.  where it will go from here, I’m not sure!  Maybe I’ll be back in a few months with a report about how the supplements are working for me!

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Trying to Avoid with PCOS

One of the most frequent questions regarding charting to avoid a pregnancy, besides “Does it work?” is “What if you have irregular cycles?” The short answer is that since a woman keeps track on a day-by-day basis, she is able to accurately identify her potentially fertile times, even if they don’t come regularly. But charting is a personal business, so rather than talking about the science and data, I would like to share my experience with irregular cycles and trying to avoid pregnancy using the fertility awareness method.
Since puberty, I have never been able to know for sure what day my period was coming and I have tended to cycle every 5-6 weeks instead of every 4. The very first time I charted my cycle, I didn’t even ovulate. I’ve also had a couple of cycles that were so long that my body started bleeding shortly before I ovulated, because it simply couldn’t maintain my uterine lining while it was waiting for my ovaries to ovulate. While there are several hormonal and metabolic problems that can cause irregular cycles, I was eventually diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which means my ovaries are under-responsive to the typical hormonal cycle, instead producing excessive amounts of estrogen and testosterone and often making cysts on the ovaries from “trying” multiple times a cycle to stimulate egg production.
Charting helped me to visualize these hormonal changes, because estrogen not only matures eggs in the ovary, but it also causes the cervix to make cervical fluid (CF) in preparation for facilitating sperm entry at the time of ovulation. For most women, CF first appears 5-7 days before ovulation, but on my charts it was often a lot longer between when my fluid first appeared and when my temperatures showed ovulation. This fluid pattern, for example, shows 10 days from the first day I had CF until my last day of CF on cycle day 21, which on this chart corresponded to ovulation based on temperatures (not shown).

Other times my CF would begin to show very fertile fluid as if ovulation were approaching, only to “back off” so to speak, and return again later. My husband and I used to humorously call this “gearing up” or “gearing down” as we waited to see if my temperatures would confirm ovulation after I experienced a fertile fluid pattern. The Fertility Awareness Method is based on the understanding that CF is the indicator of impending ovulation, so having several extra days of fluid present meant that we had more days than the average couple that we had to avoid unprotected intercourse, since we had to assume each time that the presence of fluid could lead to ovulation.
This chart shows an example of a false “gear-up” followed by an actual ovulation. I found that it was very important for me to take my temperatures consistently, because only then could I know if my fluid pattern was because of ovulation or because of my ovaries’ extra hormones trying and failing to produce an egg.

While obviously we had frustrations trying to avoid an egg that never seemed to come predictably, these frustrations were mostly due to our commitment to following the rules correctly, not because they were hard to understand. We often had long periods where we had to assume fertility before ovulation finally happened. I also learned that my body was very, very susceptible to stress, and that even the littlest things could delay my ovulation by a week or more. It is definitely difficult to *think* that you are approaching ovulation, only for your temperature to stay low and your body to have to try again later.
But I can honestly say that charting was the best thing decision that my husband and I ever made in regards to family planning. It was so empowering to be able to see what my body was doing, even when it did something different every month. There was no guess-work involved in interpreting the signs, and my husband and I always knew what we had to do, even if couldn’t see into the future and predict when ovulation would happen. It was also a huge advantage that once I did ovulate, I knew how many days later I would get my period, and I stopped being taken by surprise. I also could see that I didn’t have a “normal” looking cycle, and could be confident that we weren’t putting anything into my body that could make it even harder to conceive later on.
Although our days of trying to avoid a pregnancy are long behind us, I am so glad we chose Fertility Awareness instead of any other form of family planning. It is not only effective, but also teaches a woman and her spouse about health in such detail; none of our other choices even came close to this. Charting is especially important to me, since I now know that there is an underlying problem that causes my cycles to be abnormal, and charting helped me to see and work with the problem before a doctor ever recognized it and put a name to it. If we need to avoid pregnancy again in the future, this will definitely be our method of choice, most especially because my cycles are irregular.

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Christina’s Story

Editor’s note: Pregnancy after loss is mentioned in this post.

When we met and married, Derek and I had no interest whatsoever in starting a family. Our first pregnancy was a total shock – and so was the miscarriage that followed. I believe I was about 12 weeks along at that point, and we had already made announcements to friends and family. We spent Christmas morning in the ER that year, mourning the loss of our child instead of celebrating the birth of our Savior.

I became a mother in my heart the instant I saw the positive pregnancy test, and wanted to start trying for another baby right away. Derek, however, wasn’t sure about the idea of parenthood – it took him several months to agree to having children at all, and longer still to decide he was ready to try. He finally agreed to “see what happens” (ie TTW) in September 2008 – our son, Benjamin, was conceived that month, and was born in June 2009 after a fairly uneventful pregnancy.

We decided to TTC a sibling for Ben shortly after his first birthday, and were successful right away. All seemed to be going well, until I started spotting at about 10 1/2 weeks. An ultrasound revealed a twin pregnancy measuring about 5 weeks, with no visible heartbeats. We were told that it was possible that we had miscarried the first pregnancy, and conceived again immediately, so a second ultrasound was scheduled the following week to check for growth. That was not the case, however, and I miscarried both babies the following week. We were devastated.

We waited a cycle, then tried again…and although it was never confirmed with a positive pregnancy test, I believe (because I chart and am familiar with my body) that we did conceive that cycle, and lost that baby a short time later.

We took a few months off from TTC after that, and conceived again when we started trying in January of this year. I’m approaching the halfway point of this pregnancy, and so far, all is well.

The second miscarriage was much harder on me emotionally than the first, for many reasons. The first pregnancy was a surprise, while the twin pregnancy was very much wanted and prayed for. Then there are the issues related to losing twins – losing two children at once is a hard thing to deal with, and I’ve struggled a lot with the idea that while I will (hopefully) have other children, it’s not likely that I’ll ever conceive twins again. Also, multiple miscarriages often indicate a fertility problem – I started to worry if Ben was a “fluke” pregnancy, and if I’d ever be able to have another child.

My current pregnancy has been emotionally challenging so far as well. Because of my history, I had 5 ultrasounds in the first trimester alone. Some of them were reassuring, and some caused more concerns. I’ve had a hard time feeling connected to this baby/pregnancy – I thought that it would get better as I moved into the second trimester, but it hasn’t yet. I’m starting to worry about my ability to bond with this baby when he or she is born, and I’m sad that I’m not experiencing the joy that should come along with pregnancy like I did in previous pregnancies. My expectations regarding family planning have changed as well. I had hoped to have 3 or 4 children, but do not want to deal with the emotional burden of another pregnancy. I believe this child will be our last.

I struggle a lot with jealousy, and often feel really isolated as a result of these experiences. None of our “real life” friends understand at all what we’ve been through. I’m thankful for the support of my mom, though, who struggled for years with infertility and multiple miscarriages before adopting my brother and I, and for internet friends who have “been there.”

I am healing, slowly, although I still need to remind myself often that I’m not always meant to understand God’s plans. Even though the loss of my children may never make sense to me, it’s comforting to know that it somehow suits God’s greater purpose.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.

“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so my ways are higher than your ways

and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

-Isaiah 55:8-9 (NLT)

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One Year Down…

If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married. Deuteronomy 24:5


Best verse ever…or at least for a newlywed wife. If I have one regret about our first year of marriage, it would be that we did not heed the advice of my mom and grandma and live alone. We took an opportunity to save money and help out my husband’s parents by fixing up a house they owned, but the catch was living there with his brother.

I wish we had had the freedom to stay at home and bring each other happiness and not just the kind that only married couple get to have, but the joy that comes from spending time with your spouse. This was often hindered by either other people in the house wanting to use the common areas, or annoyances with the difference between our rather neat and conscientious life style and their messy and inconsiderate behaviors.

I love our together alone time.

Some days it feels like so many couples don’t really like being around each other. Or at least you could fool me because ragging on each other seems to be almost sport. They are missing out on so much. Marriage is this wonderful place where you are free to be 100% yourself with someone who loves it, regardless. I was sharing with Dan how someone had asked me if I wanted him to get a part time job to get him out of my hair and how I was just baffled. His response, “See, this is why I can’t talk to other married guys. I don’t not like my wife. Maybe we haven’t been married long enough, but I like being around you.” How do you not love that?

Not only do I love, respect and adore my husband, I like him and doing life with him. We cook together. We work on household projects together. We work out together. All those little things we could easily do on our own, maybe quicker, probably more efficiently, but definitely not with as much joy as we get doing them together. Our time together is where we build and grow our relationship. It doesn’t have to be a scheduled, planned, romantic time. My favorite moments happen during spontaneous walks, failed cooking attempts, or the fifth trip of day to Home Depot.

Looking forward to our next year together…alone.

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Ella’s Birth

Ella was due July 4th and I just knew she would be late. So, when my water broke in the middle of the night 3 weeks before her due date, we were shocked. I’d lost my mucus plug (everyone together now… “Ewwwwww”) a few days before, but according to my research, it could be weeks before the baby decided to be born. Nonetheless, I was sick of my mother asking me if I was in labor yet, so I had Christy (my midwife) check me at my weekly appointment. As I’d suspected, I wasn’t effaced or dilated and I called my mom on the way home to tell her it would be a few weeks and to quit asking. My water broke 12 hours later. By “broke,” I actually mean exploded. I had just crawled back into bed with Colin after my 19th (or so it seemed) pee of the night when I felt a huge pop inside and water spewed out of me with so much force, it shot all the way up to my pillow and soaked several square feet of the bed. I screamed a little.. not because it hurt, but just out of pure shock. Colin and I jumped out of bed and I waddled around with a towel between my legs, trying to keep the dog from licking the huge puddle of amniotic fluid as we were taking the sheets off the bed. We weren’t quite sure how to react to this surprise. We were happy and scared and excited and worried all at the same time. We just kept laughing and every time I laughed, I leaked.

We frantically tried to fill the birth tub and make last minute preparations since we knew labor would be imminent. We hadn’t yet had time to find a hose connector for our weird faucets, so we hooked up the hose to the outside faucet and boiled the proverbial water on the stove to heat the pool up. The birth pool had a heater, but we assumed we didn’t have time (ha!) to wait for the water to heat. We waited until a decent hour (not really… it was 6 am) to call Christy. I’m sure she appreciated us waking her up to tell her that I wasn’t in labor. She assured us that most women will start labor within 6-12 hours and almost everyone starts by 24 hours. She also gave us the rundown of the normal precautions after membranes rupture… no sex, no vaginal exams, making sure baby is moving, etc and advised me to take my temperature and pulse every 2 hours to make sure they were staying within normal range.

We spent most of the day at home just waiting. We did go to the chiropractor (in the hopes of kickstarting labor) and to lunch and Walmart (of course). I had a few belly tightenings here and there, but nothing strong. I noticed that when I did have a contraction, a spot in the arch of my foot hurt really bad, like someone was poking a burning hot needle in it. I later found out that is the acupressure point for the uterus. We finally went to bed that night, just knowing we’d wake up in the middle of the night and have a baby by morning.

The next morning, I woke up rested and refreshed, but still pregnant and not in labor. Christy had us come in to check my blood pressure, baby’s heartrate, etc, and all was well. Around that time, I finally started having regular contractions about 6 minutes apart, although they weren’t particularly strong. We stayed at home the rest of the day just hanging out and enjoying our last few oddly romantic hours of being a family of 2 (plus dog).

My contractions finally intensified around 8 pm, thanks to a herbal labor start-up formula and a million walks around the block. Our doula came over around midnight. I was having stronger, but very manageable contractions and was happy to finally be in labor. I remember sitting on the birth ball (where I spent most of early labor), leaning on the edge of the birth pool, eating bites of a grilled cheese sandwich in between contractions. Things started to get more serious and Christy arrived about 3:30 am. I asked her to check me, thinking that I would be 5 cm or so, but I was only dilated to 2 cm. I was so disappointed. I wasn’t even in “active labor” yet… although it sure felt active to me!!

Soon after Christy arrived, my labor got very intense, both physically and emotionally. I tried the birth ball, laying on the couch, and outside on the back porch, but just couldn’t get comfortable. Despite Christy’s advice to wait, I stripped off all my clothes, got in the birth tub (and made Colin get in with me, which he wasn’t too fond of) and quickly found myself in transition. My body was shaking, my teeth were chattering, and I was filled with the self-doubt so many women profess during that phase of labor. My contractions felt like they were on top of each other and I couldn’t stay focused. All of a sudden, I felt my body pushing. Christy checked me again.. fully effaced and 3-4 cm. It made no sense to me whatsoever.. I was clearly in transition, so therefore was expecting to be 7 or 8 cm. And if that wasn’t transition.. I certainly didn’t want to know what 9 cm was going to be like! I couldn’t understand why my labor wasn’t textbook.

Technically, I was just barely in active labor. I didn’t think I could do it and wanted to transfer to the hospital. Christy assumed I wanted an epidural.. little did she know I was wishing a c-section could be performed with a kitchen knife (rationality is not a skill I possess in labor). She reminded me that 1) I’d have to get out of the birth pool and 2) since it was 7:30 am, we’d have around a 45 minute drive to our preferred hospital and the contractions wouldn’t stop. I honestly hadn’t thought of either of those two issues. Colin flat out told me we weren’t going to the (bleep) hospital, and I was going to get out of the pool, lay down, and listen to my Hypnobabies.

That was just what I needed to hear, although I didn’t think I was able to get out. Christy was trying to get me to get out to go to the bathroom when I had a huge pushing contraction that caused me to urinate in the birth pool. I then commented that I had just peed on my husband (who was in the pool) and asked if I still had to get out.

Everyone helped me out of the pool and took me to the bathroom. The doula and midwife thought that I should try to labor on the toilet for awhile, since many women enjoy (perhaps “enjoy” isn’t the right word..) that and make good progress. I found it torturous. They tried to convince me to turn around, but it just wasn’t working for me. I waddled back to the bed and laid down on my left side, my body still trying to push with every contraction. Once I turned on Hypnobabies, everything got so much easier. I was still having to try really hard not to push, but I was much more focused. I was able to sleep between contractions, and Colin and the doula were making fun of my snoring (darn pregnancy rhinitis!). Colin was very encouraging and the doula was massaging my hands with cocoa butter lotion, which felt wonderful and kept me relaxed. The doula noticed a lot of bloody show and went to get the midwife. Christy asked to check me to see if it was time to call the assistant midwife (it’s her policy to have a 2nd midwife there if possible). Imagine our surprise when I had gone from 3-4 cm to fully dilated in an hour and 27 minutes. She called the closest midwife, told her we had a cervical lip, and asked her to come over.

The cervical lip pushed back with the next contraction and the house became a whirlwind of activity as the midwife and doula readied the birth supplies. I’d planned on giving birth in the birth pool that was set up on our living room, but was comfortable on the bed and wanted to stay in our bedroom. Pushing felt wonderful.. after spending the last hour and a half trying not to push, it felt great to be able to go with my body. My mind fog seemed to lift and I was able to think clearly, and even joke a bit. I was on my side at first, then decided that comfort trumped modesty, and turned onto all fours (with an inappropriate joke that the baby was going to come out the same way she got in). The assistant midwife arrived a few minutes before Ella was born. We introduced ourselves in between pushes, which caused everyone to laugh.. what an introduction, as I was naked and on all fours in my bed! When I was about 4 cm, Colin had called my chiropractor to come and adjust me and hopefully speed things up.. she was quite surprised to show up as I was pushing. I remember asking Christy how much the baby needed to come down and she told me that the baby was right there and to feel for myself. I was so surprised and thrilled when I felt her head about a fingertip’s length inside.

I will never forget feeling that wrinkled little head of hair as she crowned. Ella was born 54 hours after my water broke, after just an hour and a half of active labor and 45 minutes of pushing, with both hands in fists by her face. I could feel that I was stretching a lot by my urethra and was afraid I’d tear up, but thanks to oil and warm compresses on both top and bottom, I had no tearing, except for 2 tiny painless skin splits. It is such a strange feeling to birth a baby — her head, after all the stretching, popped out, and the rest of her just tumbled into Colin’s hands.

After the baby was born (followed by the placenta, which I barely noticed), we stayed in bed for quite awhile, just looking at her and enjoying her, with Christy monitoring both Ella and me as needed. She wasn’t yet terribly interested in latching on, but she was incredibly alert and awake, just taking everything in. The midwives gave us a lesson on the placenta at my request.. it is amazing that that kept Ella sustained for 9 months.  When we were ready, the birth team prepared a soothing herbal bath for Ella and me. It was in the bath that she finally got interested and really breastfed for the first time. After we got out of the bath, Christy did the newborn exam, checking all of Ella’s reflexes, head circumference, length, etc.. Colin got the privilege of weighing all 7 lbs 8 oz of her. The midwives and doula stayed for several hours after the birth to make sure everything was ok with both of us and to clean up (although it’s much less messy than you’d think!). My mom and Sophie arrived shortly after everyone left. Mom, of course, loved Ella at first sight. Sophie immediately tried to defuzz Ella’s head like she plucks the fuzz from a tennis ball.

Recovery was very easy, much easier than I’d expected. I loved being able to curl up in our own bed with all the comforts of our home. Since I hadn’t really torn, I wasn’t sore at all. The hardest part for me was staying in bed and resting for a few days, as per Christy’s instructions. The next day, the chiropractor came over to adjust Ella and help us with breastfeeding. She was so incredibly helpful…she brought her baby over for “show and tell,” which was probably the biggest thing that helped me with the logistics.

While Ella’s birth was much more intense and not at all what I’d expected, I am so glad we were able to do it naturally and at home.

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Parenting: Setting Boundaries with YOUR Parents

This is a guest post from one of our forum members.  She has asked to remain anonymous.

Boundaries

One thing that will hopefully happen towards the end of your pregnancy as you anxiously await the arrival of your new bundle will be pledges of help from family members. While appreciated, it may soon become obvious that some boundaries need to be set for those over-zealous relatives. You may find yourself especially needing to provide the grandparents of the new baby some more direct limits.

While every family is different and you may find yourself reading this with fond memories of every bit of help received by a favorite aunt or mother-in-law, usually there are a few times when boundaries need to be set. Why? Because you are your child’s primary provider and there may be certain tasks that only you want to do (such as your baby’s 1st bath), there may be a parenting style or decision you would like to uphold (like breastfeeding), and of course there is your sanity, if visitors are causing too much stress, it is ok for some limits to be set.

Like your wedding, the newborn phase lasts only a very short time and there are many  sweet, tender moments to be enjoyed between mother, father, baby, and any siblings. If you are getting nervous thinking about all the friends and relatives coming in to see your baby, or starting to worry about feeling rude or making anyone feel uncomfortable by your requests, just keep in mind that YOU are the Mom (or Dad!), YOU have the right, and THEY have already had the chance to welcome a precious baby into the world, it’s YOUR turn! Repeat to yourself as necessary!

Setting the Boundaries

Always use “we”.
As you come to make these decisions and explain them to family members, always use WE. This will present a mutual and united stance on whatever you are discussing and will cut down on the chance for the relative(s) to go behind you and question the subject with your spouse. It will also hopefully prevent them from directing any animosity towards you, if you’ve included your spouse (perhaps their own child or relative) then they will be less likely to be upset on the subject if they know it’s coming from the both of you.
Key phrases.
If you are anything like me, you hate confrontation and balk at the need to discuss subjects firmly. For me anytime I needed to press an issue with a family member, I would repeat a key phrase over and over in my head so that I could use it when the opportunity presented itself. I’ll give you an example from another time this was an issue. A few close family members kept repeatedly asking about private financial information. I get so flustered when I have to “say something” so I just prepped myself with a few vague phrases “We are taking care of things” “Don’t worry about it” “We are fine with things” so that I knew what to say, and it gave me a quick and easy out. For you this may be “this is the decision we’ve made”, “We will be doing this”, or “We will have to pass”. Saying these key phrases is especially helpful when your family member is insistently pressing you on an issue, if end up having to repeat your practiced expression long enough, it will serve as an awkward reminder that enough is enough.
The original request.
In the same vein, an easy way to deflect any tension is to refer back to the original request without having to rehash anything. For me, I made it clear to a close family member that she would not be able to be present for the birth of my son. Thankfully she took it well and it wasn’t brought up again, but if I had needed to remind her, it would have been easy to say “As we discussed earlier, it’s just not what we want.”

I also want to touch on the birth itself. Like I mentioned earlier I did have to set some rules with some of our family regarding the birth.  We headed off the request in advance with a firm “No.” I have discussed with many women the anxiety they feel over who will be at the birth. Remember, now is not the time to worry about stepping on peoples toes! Not when you are going to be pushing a baby out! It may be your husband’s frail aunt who would love to be present for the birth of her first grand-niece but it is YOUR comfort level that takes highest priority. Just remember that YOU need to be in the best frame of mind you can be in when you give birth and if YOU aren’t going to be comfortable just say no.

Don’t be afraid to delegate!

When it comes down to it, the most important thing when welcoming a new tiny family member is the bonding experience between you, your spouse, and your baby. The dishes and housework can wait.  Don’t be afraid to ask those excited family members to fulfill for you. I remember being so upset with the limited bonding I was able to enjoy with my son while we had some family with us the 2nd and 3rd weeks of his life. Because I did not enforce certain boundaries with the family we had, the only time I got to “enjoy” my son was when he was screaming mad and needing to be fed by me, or at night (oh fun!). I began to feel distant from him and felt a lot of resentment towards the family members who I would see cooing at my baby, getting to enjoy his most pleasant awake time, while I was busy sweeping the kitchen floor and doing laundry. I shouldn’t have been so permissive and my husband and I have talked many times about not making this mistake again with another child. If your family really wants to help you, make sure you delegate some other tasks (laundry, meals) so that you can get your rest and enjoy your new baby.

Bottom line: Employ the help but don’t be afraid to set some boundaries in order to make your new family your  first priority and keep the stress levels lower.

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On Spontaneous Rupture of Membranes (SROM) Prior to Labor

Disclaimer – While this post is based on established evidence based midwifery protocols, it is not medical advice, as I do not know your specific circumstances.

Contrary to modern film and TV, labor does not generally begin with a big gush of amniotic fluid, followed by transition like contractions and a frantic rush to the hospital in a taxi. Most labors, in the absence of interference, will start with mild contractions that gradually become stronger, longer, and closer together, and the membranes will rupture spontaneously (as opposed to the artificial rupture of membranes (AROM) by a careprovider with an amnihook or amnicot) during the pushing stage.  However, sometimes the bag of waters breaks prior to labor, sometimes hours or days before labor.

If you experience a gush of fluid at term (37 weeks or more), the first step is to determine if it is indeed amniotic fluid. Women tend to have lots of vaginal mucus towards the end of pregnancy, and this can be mistaken for amniotic fluid. Due to the pressure of the baby, weight of the uterus, and the muscle relaxing properties of progesterone, women very often leak urine in the third trimester and mistakenly believe that their waters have released. Anne Frye (a well known midwife and author of midwifery textbooks) has noted that some women release up to a cup of fluid at term that is NOT amniotic fluid. Other fluids that are sometimes confused with SROM include sweat, semen, and female ejaculation. Additionally, there are two layers of the bag of waters… the chorion (outer layer) and the amnion (inner layer, closest to the baby). Sometimes in early development when the membranes are forming, amniotic fluid can get trapped between the layers, and later be released when the chorion breaks or gets a hole. While this is amniotic fluid, the baby is still sealed inside the amnion.

There are a few ways to determine if your water has broken. First, smell the fluid. Amniotic fluid smells slightly sweet or like chlorine (similar to semen). Then, put on a clean pad. If the pad keeps getting wet, particularly when you change position, you have probably experienced SROM. Third, sometime close to term, request a amnicator from your careprovider. With an amnicator, you can run it along your panties, bed, floor, or wherever you believe fluid has leaked, and if it is amniotic fluid, it will turn a dark green or blue color.

If it is amniotic fluid, you will want to remember the acronym TACO. TACO stands for Time, Amount, Color, and Odor. Most importantly, you want to be aware of your baby’s movements and make sure baby is still moving often. You may want to consider calling your careprovider; however, be aware that most doctors/hospitals have a 24 hour (or less!) time limit to birth after your water has broken, and you may be subject to induction and infection risk (more on this later) if you go to the hospital immediately. Some women choose to “forget” what time their water breaks and give the hospital a different time if this is the case. The color should be clear, perhaps with a little pink (blood) and/or flecks of white (vernix) and the fluid should not have a strong or foul odor. If the fluid is yellow or light green, the baby has probably passed some meconium in the past few days or weeks (which is generally not an issue in the absence of other problems), but if the fluid is dark green or has chunks of meconium in it (this is referred to as “pea soup” or thick, particulate meconium) or baby stops moving, you need to call your careprovider (or go to the hospital) immediately. If you feel anything in your vagina (but do not check “just in case”), or see anything hanging out (such as a cord, arm, or leg), assume a knee chest position and call 911. Cord prolapse is extremely rare.

The first rule of SROM is NOTHING IN THE VAGINA. No tampons, no sex, no douching, and no vaginal exams (this includes careproviders! If the concern is checking for cord prolapse, fetal heart tones will indicate distress without introducing bacteria). There is no such thing as a sterile vaginal exam, and once you start introducing bacteria into the vagina and cervix, you really are on a time clock before infection sets in (hence the common hospital 24 hour rule… because the first thing they do is check the cervix). Practice impeccable hygiene, wiping front to back (preferably just blotting or drip dry though), change your pad every hour or two, and shower often (careproviders differ on the safety of baths after SROM prior to established labor). Eat nutritious foods with lots of protein and hydrate very well. You may also consider taking vitamin C (500 mg every 2 hours to bowel tolerance, and then back off slightly) and echinacea (follow directions on bottle, generally you want to be taking this 3 times a day. It is very difficult to overdose on echinacea with short-term use). You will want to take your temperature and pulse at least every 4 hours. If either of these begins to spike (although a spike in either can also signal dehydration, so make sure you are well hydrated), you need to call your careprovider. Studies show that there is no additional risk of infection for 72 hours (or more), as long as no bacteria are introduced into the vagina (as it is with a vaginal exam). (See this article with tons of studies referenced for more information)

SROM prior to labor is associated with malpositioned babies. Usually, they are posterior (OP), but they can also be asynclitic, have nuchal hands, etc. This is why doing optimal fetal positioning is SO important during pregnancy! It is considerably more difficult to change a baby’s position once the membranes have ruptured, but it is possible with time and patience. My advice is to treat baby as posterior, even if you think baby is not. Doing things to turn a posterior baby anterior is not going to turn an anterior baby posterior. If you can, go to a Webster certified pregnancy chiropractor as soon as possible (hopefully you have been doing this during pregnancy anyway!). Sometimes this alone will turn a baby and labor will begin soon after. In the meantime, avoid reclining positions and try to stay in forward leaning positions (such as sitting on the ball, hands and knees, etc). Knee chest (on your knees with your head on the floor or bed, not on your elbows) is particularly good for posterior/asynclitic babies. Have your partner learn how to use a rebozo during pregnancy… it is not complicated and it feels so good! It also is fabulous at turning OP babies and correcting malpositions. Zumba style dancing, with quick movements and lots of hip action is very effective and fun – it’s ok to be sexy in labor! You’ll also want to do fast circles sitting on a ball, the abdominal lift and tuck during early contractions, and the “banana” position (i.e. Walcher’s trochanter roll). The banana position (named because of the curve of the pregnant belly in this position) is also fabulous once labor has started if baby is still OP. We stack up a few pillows on the edge of the bed, have mom put her bottom on them, on her back with her legs hanging off the bed, for at least 3 contractions. It arches mom’s back, and since baby’s back is against mom’s back if baby is OP, it makes baby uncomfortable and forces him/her to flip over. You can also use homeopathy for OP babies… pulsatilla and/or kali carbonicum; homeopathy will work before or during labor and has no side effects. The worst thing that will happen is nothing will happen.

So, once your membranes are ruptured, you have a few options. First (and what I recommend, at least for 12-24 hours), is to wait and see. Labor will generally start on its own. Amniotic fluid actually helps to ripen the cervix. After that time, you may choose to wait some more, walk, work on getting baby into a good position, do nipple stimulation or use a breast pump (I like 30 minutes of pumping, 30 minutes of walking, repeat), or induce with herbs (such as black and blue cohosh, Tri-Light’s Start It UP, Mountain Meadow Herbs Master Gland, or other herbs), homeopathy (cimicifuga and caulophyllum… which are homeopathic black and blue cohosh), or drugs (including castor oil and medical inductions).  Be aware that if you choose to medically induce (with pitocin, cytotec, etc) that you are more likely to choose an epidural during labor, and epidurals increase the likelihood of persistent posterior babies, which increased the likelihood that labor will end in a cesarean. Epidurals are also associated with maternal fever, which may cause baby to be given unnecessary prophylactic IV antibiotics (because of the fear that the fever was caused by infection), stay in the NICU, and be poked repeatedly for blood work (and possibly a spinal tap).

One last piece of advice… Relax! When you are stressed, your body is producing adrenaline. Adrenaline inhibits oxytocin, which is what you need your body to make in order to get the baby out. While you may not have planned on labor starting this way, your baby decided to start things with a bang (or a pop, as the case may be). You are going to have a great birth!

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TTC & IF: WHO Annoyance

I found out last August that the WHO has redefined infertility as two year of regular intercourse with no pregnancy achieved. This irks me.

Why does it irk me? Because it feels like they’re putting a band-aid on the problem, rather than trying to discover WHY it’s taking more couples longer to conceive than it used to. If I were a betting woman, I think the blame should be put on hormonal contraceptives.

The medical community seems to believe that it can take 3-6 months for the long-term affects of hormonal birth control to work their way out of a woman’s system. I’d like to point out that if the WHO sees the need to extend their infertility time frame from one year to two years, there’s something more sinister at work than just the fact that it’s taking people longer to conceive than it used to, with no added outside influences.

Hormonal contraceptives don’t cause the same side effects in every woman’s body. Some women don’t have any side effects while they’re on the Pill. Others end up with a lot of side effects, the more serious of which can include blood clots and death. I would venture to say that we’re beginning to see the side effects of long term birth control use as it IS taking longer and longer for women to conceive. As I stated above, hormonal birth control doesn’t cause the same side effects in every woman’s body. Some women come off the Pill, or the Ring, or the Shot, and get pregnant right away. For others, it takes a long time for them to conceive.

And some women can’t get pregnant on their own even if they’ve never used hormonal birth control!

It’s these women that I’m most concerned about in light of the WHO’s new guideline. You see, the number of women who get pregnant straight off hormonal contraceptives won’t change. However, the number of women in emotional pain will, and since it’s not a topic our society likes to talk about, who, or what, will these women turn to in support?

Before the WHO changed their standards, women who had been trying to conceive for 12 months could to go their doctor and get help. Now they have to wait an additional 12 months. While I do believe that more woman MAY get pregnant on their own than what we’re seeing now, I also believe that women (and men) who have an underlying medical condition that is impeding or preventing them from getting pregnant have gotten the short end of the stick. Now a woman who has irregular cycles for a reason unknown to her has to wait 24 months before her doctor will help her. That’s 24 wasted months, that could have been used in treatment of common medical problems that are relatively easy to treat!

As the average age that people in Western cultures continues to rise, more and more couples are going to struggle to achieve a pregnancy due to long-term birth control use, advanced maternal age, and undiagnosed medical conditions. At what point do we stop putting band-aids on societal mores, and start looking for solutions?

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gDiapers Review

Continuing on with our AI2 (all in two) diaper systems is a review on gdiapers. gdiapers use a soaker that sets into a liner which snaps into a cotton shell. It is also considered a hybrid diaper because biodegradable disposable inserts can be used in place of the washable inserts. Please keep in mind that the following review reflects our experiences with this diaper. Your experiences may be different. Now, on with the review!

Design

Type: sized AI2/hybrid
Fastening: high quality velcro wraps around back of waist (great for keeping older babies from taking them off)
Inserts: cotton inserts fit in plastic liner which snaps into cover
Cover: cotton

Absorbency and Containment

Urine: good absorbency for the cotton inserts though they do need to be changed frequently to avoid leaks; good absorbency for the bio inserts
Solids: some poo usually escapes liner and gets onto the inside of the shell requiring a full change

approx. 9 pounds

Fit

Legs: loose band like that on a tshirt sleeve or neck; soft and comfortable
Rise: not adjustable; rides a bit high on smaller infants since the band touches the navel
Trimness: overall trim fit; fit well under onsies

Convenience

Changing Inserts: two steps 1) place new insert into liner 2) snap liner into the four corners of the shell; handling inserts and liners with poo on them can be messy
Speed and ease: three piece system can be inconvenient even if liners are kept pre-loaded and rotated due to the 4 snaps (many other AI2 systems have 2 snaps)
Space/Storage: take up minimum space in diaper bags and changing tables

Care

Washing: for inserts use same routine as other CDs; shells and liners can be washed with regular loads
Drying: liners drip dry quickly; dry time for shells and inserts comparable to regular loads of t-shirts and underwear


approx. 9 pounds

Value

Length of Use: limited; have to be purchased in S, M, L sizes as baby grows
Price: $30 for a two pack set of pants and liners; $30 for a set of 6 inserts, $14.50 for a 40 pack of disposable inserts

Other Comments

This system was used several times over the course of a month in our rotation, but it just didn’t work for us as well as I had hoped.

An advantage to this system is that they are available at Target and BRU rather than online diaper shops only.

We experienced several leaks with this system. Baby Bee has skinny legs and needs snug elastic which gDiapers just don’t have.

I found that I was able to start a rotation of two shells for the day by always having one diaper loaded up and ready to use. When Baby Bee wet, I would just switch the whole diaper completely and then clean up the first diaper and load it up for the next change. The liners wipe clean with a damp cloth very easily. Poop always gets on the inside of the cotton shell so if she pooped or had a wet leak, then the shell must be taken out of the rotation for the day and be laundered, so I end up actually using all 4 shells for the day. That’s the down side to the cotton shell. That also negates some of the convenience of having the biodegradable inserts. They made diapering on the go somewhat easy because I could throw away the insert, but I still had to deal with the wet bag like an AIO should she leak or poop
while we’re gone.

We are on a septic system so I did NOT attempt to flush the biodegradable inserts though they are said to be flushable.

I bought the gDiapers for possible use during travel. Since the cotton pants have to be washed rather than wiped down if they get wet, this system did not offer the convenience for which I was hoping.

I noticed that the corner of the velcro strip had scratched my wrist a couple of times when I was breastfeeding Baby Bee. It was not painful, just annoying. One other small complaint is that the plastic snaps on the liner left marks on Baby Bee’s skin. They were similar to sheet marks so they went away after a bit, but it did make me wonder if she was completely comfortable in them.

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From Love to Loss–Monica’s Story

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Monica, continuing our series of pregnancy loss stories.  If you have experienced pregnancy loss, and are looking for support, you are invited to join our loving community where you will find the support you need to get through this difficult time.

Ten days. That’s all we had to love and then lose our little one. We weren’t charting, we weren’t trying, but there was NO WAY I could be pregnant, right??!? After 2 weeks of unexplained soreness in my breasts and growth like I was a pubescent teenager again, I finally bought a home pregnancy test. The second I saw that second pink line I burst into a mad frenzy of happy tears and then some tears of sheer terror. As soon as my husband came home he could see it in my eyes. He held me, told me we were going to be fine.

We spent the next week planning, and dreaming, and wrapping our minds around the idea of being parents. What a heavy responsibility? How would we pay for his or her college? Would I be able to stay home? Would my husband’s job allow him to make all his or her little league games and dance recitals? What about those margaritas I had last week? What about the spotting I saw last week? What are the statistics on miscarriage? What if we lose the baby?

And that was all before I fell asleep that first day.

Monica and her hubby

We made an appointment with a midwife for the Wednesday of the next week. She answered all of our questions and her professionalism eased all of my husband’s fears about natural birth. I had experience intermittent spotting, which I read was normal, but wanted to ask more about it. She told us that spotting was normal, but that in conjunction with cramps, could be a sign of miscarriage. We would know if I was having a miscarriage. She said very frankly that it would be very painful and there would be a lot of blood.

That night, my husband and I went to a Lindy Hop dance lesson. Just about the time he always gets dizzy from the pass throughs, I felt a rush as if my period had just started. I excused myself and ran to the bathroom. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought that was exactly what happened. My gut sank. I knew something was wrong. Thursday I had no spotting. I hoped my gut was wrong.

Early Friday morning we flew to Denver to visit my dad. When my husband couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer and went for a nap, my dad began showing me pictures on his phone. I took the opportunity and handed him my phone with a picture of the home pregnancy test pulled up. “What’s that? Does that say pregnant?” he said. I just nodded like a fool and my dad became a sobbing mess. Along with my step-mom, we discussed all the excitement over brunch.

That night we went to a steakhouse downtown to celebrate. I was feeling great, my belly felt big, like there was a baby in there. After dinner I snuck to the bathroom to relieve my pregnant-pee-all-the-time bladder before walking around downtown to show my hubby the sights. More blood. Heart sank. Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts.

I woke up at 3 am and couldn’t have any more positive thoughts. Blood rushed from me as I set on the toilet. I woke up my husband and we immediately started googling and waiting for it to be late enough in the early morning hours to call my mom (an RN) or the midwife. My husband woke up my step-mom at 6:45 and asked her to go buy me some pads.

I was swept up in a whirl wind of everyone’s fears. My mom, my stepmom, and my cousin all said I should get to a doctor. I knew what was happening. I didn’t need a doctor to tell me, but the “what if’s” of placenta previa or an etopic pregnancy got me to cave. We were blessed with an amazing urgent care staff that found us every shortcut and spoke so gently and empathically to us.

We spent the next few days in tears. I spent random moments of the following weeks in tears. I cried and ate a giant bag of jelly beans about five months later when I saw a picture from a mutual friend who was as far along as we “would have been.”

Here we are, 6 months later, after using FAM to avoid for 5 cycles and to conceive in just 1 cycle, and we’re pregnant. All the same dreams, hopes and fears. Prayer is the only thing we have right now and we’ll hold on to it tightly, because we sure do want to meet this little one.

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